so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
