he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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