Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
