it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
