I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
