I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
