Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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