I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
