you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
