yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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