HIV tests are more positive than that guy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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