I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
