Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
