he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
