Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need moral support for this bender
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
