I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
