I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
