yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
