Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
