I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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