I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
