Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
