Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
