Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
