The maid of honor just puked.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
ugly people sure do ruin things
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
