dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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