so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
