smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i've created a new STD.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
