Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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