he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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