dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
