Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
