If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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