There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
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I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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