one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
