i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
