were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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