Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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