At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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