a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
