she was so not down for the gang bang
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
