you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
