Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
