I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize