Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
not ubering you a puppy
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
