I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
