Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
