I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
