Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
