My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
