apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
