remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
