The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
