im gay
i know
yea but for you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
