Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
