I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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