It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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