i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
