just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
