No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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