I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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