if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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