when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
