guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
