Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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