The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
