SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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