Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
