Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
