She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
