I want to make a zoo with you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
