her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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