Will you blow on my dice?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
