Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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