So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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