I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
