I've blown a few things in my day
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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