Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
