so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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