i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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